Slade
by WaterAdept0514
Summary: Rated for lyrics. Collection of songfics dedicated to...Slade? Okay. Angst in later chapters. Please R&R. I accept flames :)


This is a songic for Slade. How everyone sees him. It's to Denis Leary's hit song "Asshole". It's a really funny song. Then there is more than one line per /?/ it means that it's spoken. There will also be a small mentioning of Naraku from Inuyasha and Angel from Buffy/Angel. But in this he was slain in 1999 once he reached L.A. I also think that this show takes place sometime not too far into the future. Just humor me, okay? You'll find out why later in a full story I'm working on. Oh yeah. This will also reveal some of his comic book origin.  
  
/Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American dream.  
About me, about you, about the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests. About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the subcockle area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the colon, we don't know./  
  
Hello. I'm a creepy, disturbing, perverted, old man with nothing better to do than annoy a bunch of teenage superheros and try to find an apprentice.  
  
/I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job./  
  
My name is Slade Wilson.  
  
/I'm your average white suburbanite slob./  
  
I like to get on peoples nerves a lot.  
  
/I like football and porno and books about war./  
  
I would probably end up going to jail for not only attempting to destroy the city but they would also accuse me of child molestation.  
  
/I got an average house with a nice hardwood floor./  
  
I like to watch people suffer over what they think is misery.  
  
/My wife and my job, my kids and my car./  
  
I Also have only one eye...Wanna see? Mwahaha  
  
/My feet on my table...and a cuban cigar./  
  
My wife tried to shoot me with a gun but she only managed to shoot my eye out.  
  
/But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested/  
  
So now I wear a mask.  
  
/No way/  
  
Some people think I am actually Batman. Nope, just your everyday creep.  
  
/No, I've gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense/  
  
I can also regenerate. I am unstoppable! Once again, I say mwahaha.  
  
/Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah/  
  
I hear that a long time ago in Japan there was a very evil demon named Naraku. He was a genius when it came to playing with people's emotions.  
  
/I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane,/  
  
We would make a great team.  
  
/While people behind me are going insane./  
  
There was also a very cruel vampire from Ireland. Stupid soul ruined him.  
  
/I'm an asshole/  
  
Although I feel Robin has some kind of connection with the vampire.  
  
/I'm an asshole/  
  
Anyway, more about me. 'Cause I'm great. I rule.  
  
/I use public toilets and I piss on the seat,/  
  
I like to watch people go insane.  
  
/I walk around in the summertime saying "How about this heat?"/  
  
You ask "Why can't you be nice?"  
  
/I'm an asshole/  
  
Well...Too bad! That's none of your business.  
  
/I'm an asshole/  
  
It's tough pretending to be dead though.  
  
/Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,/  
  
I realy want to at least go push someone in a wheelchair over. That's always fun.  
  
/While handicapped people make handicapped faces./  
  
Or maybe go steal candy from a baby. Small crime, but still brightens my day.  
  
/I'm an asshole/  
  
A lot of people also think I'm Robin's dad. Not that either.  
  
/I'm an asshole/  
  
I already have two sons. One's a mute, one's evil.  
  
/Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song/  
  
Maybe I should rethink my life.  
  
/Ranting and raving and carrying on/  
  
Maybe I should HELP the Titans instead of trying to cause emotional break-downs.  
  
/Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong.../  
  
Maybe I'm wrong and they're right...  
  
/NAAAAH!/  
  
NAAAAH!  
  
/I'm an asshole/  
  
I don't give a crap!  
  
/I'm an asshole/  
  
Never will!  
  
/Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado Convertible, hot pink, with whaleskin hubcaps and all-leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights... yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115 miles per hour, getting 1 mile per gallon, suckin' down quarter pound cheeseburgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers and when I'm done suckin' down those greaseball burgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth on the American Flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side, and there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why Two words: Nuclear fuckin' weapons, OK? Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want...they can have a big democracy cakewalk right through the middle of Tienamen Square and it won't make a lick of difference, because we got the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen! And as soon as we find a cure for cancer, we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15 million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and John Casavetti and Lee Marvin/  
  
I'm gonna cause Global Warming in a week like in that movie!  
  
/And Sam Peckinpaw/  
  
I'm gonna cause utter chaos!  
  
/And a case of whisky/  
  
All you mortals will tremble in fear at the mere mentioning of my name!  
  
/And drive to Texas...(HEY, HEY HEY!/  
  
TREMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
/Why don't you shut up and sing the song, pal?/  
  
Ahem...Sorry, got kinda carried away there.  
  
/I'm an asshole/  
  
Everyone thinks I'm a jerk.  
  
/I'm an asshole/  
  
And I am!  
  
/A S-S H-O L-E/  
  
I'm E-V-I-L!  
  
/Everybody, A S-S H-O L-E/  
  
Everybody, E-V-I-L!  
  
/Arf, Arf Arf, Arf Arf, Arf Arf/  
  
S-L-A-D-E, let's go!  
  
/Thoomph A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom/  
  
S-L-A-D-E, let's go!  
  
/Oooooooooo/  
  
Yeah!  
  
/I'm an asshole and I'm proud of it/  
  
I'm proud of myself!  
  
There you have it! Next one will have angst in it. Please R&R, I accept flames :) 


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